Horsey girl H.O.T.ness – It’s not what you think!

horsey girl tan lines

Tragic tan lines ahoy! Horsey girls I know you have them, we all suffer from H.O.T.ness (no not in that way!) Horse Owners Tan is the curse of all equestrians. Yes I have bronzed forearms to die for, but venture any further up that sleeve and I go from bright bay to pasty palomino within inches.

These #horseygirlproblems are compounded when you get invited to a NESE (Non Equestrian Social Event of course) and suddenly the dress code doesn’t include breeches and polo shirts!!! Panic ensues, and I reach for the fake bake because I have a chronic case of H.O.T.ness that requires assorted bruises being covered and various white bits convincingly filled in asap!

Screen Shot 2014-10-10 at 10.26.48 AM

“Fail to prepare and you prepare to fail” as they say and evidently this applies just as much to learning your dressage test as it does lathering yourself in fake tan. Not one to spend too much time on my own grooming and turn out I liberally slapped the magic cream everywhere, and hoped for the best. Fast forward 8 hours and my orange palms and series of new unique brown birthmark like splodges were an indicator that things really hadn’t worked out how I’d hoped. The piece da resistance came a few days later when in my rush I hadn’t bothered to ex-foliate (who has time for that? I have a horse to ride!) and the distinct pattern of the full seat stitching on my breeches began to wear through the tan on my legs, yes I know…..super H.O.T.! (again NOT in a good way)


So what’s a horsey girl to do? Give up and just get your bruised and blindingly white legs out in public and hope you have enough swag to ‘style it out’? No way jose, no one (horses included) wants to see that! Turn into a social recluse during the summer months and avoid all NESE’s, hell no there’s gin to be drunk and I want to be the one doing the drinking. I have found the solution, literally it’s a solution (science joke there for anyone who wants it 😉 )

St Tropez have developed a product that will take the edge off that British complexion and give you a nice summer glow in less time that it takes to ride Prelim 14. No weird lingering biscuity smell, no stained bedding or clothes, and an all over even tan (just like the adverts are always promising!)

st tropex in shower fake tan review

This in shower, yes that’s correct IN SHOWER fake tan is fab. Get those breeches off and get under the water jets, proceed with your normal ablutions eg washing hair, shaving legs, belting out some 80’s power ballads whilst enjoying the great acoustics of a tiled bathroom…


Turn the shower off and apply the tan all over, wash your palms, and then wait awkwardly for 3 minutes before rinsing it all off, jumping out the shower and getting on with business as usual.

The tan develops over time and before you know it a golden glow is starting to appear! If your skin tone is like mine, and can best be described as ‘dappled grey’ then you will notice the difference after one application. If you are more blessed in the pigment department then you may need a couple of applications to see a change.


I for one am looking forward to banishing my H.O.T.ness this summer so that I can seamlessly integrate into ‘normal life’. Now only the feint whiff of ‘what’s that smell?’ and the odd stray strand of hay in my hair will give me away!

For more equine related beauty advice from yours truly check out my 7 tips to get you ‘hot to trot’

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